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September 10th 2002 - What STILL Bothers Me A Year Later 
It bothers me that innocent people died - just regular folks going about their daily life. It bothers me that the cowards took their lives and those of the men and women trying to rescue them.
It bothers me when I think of that little four year old girl in New Jersey who, for weeks and weeks after 9/11, ran to the door between the kitchen and garage every time she heard the automatic door open and close. She would stand there waiting patiently - expecting to see her dad come through the door and sweep her off her feet like he did every night. But he will never be there for her again. It bothers me when I think about the cars left in the MTA parking lot by the station near us. They were there for days and days collecting parking tickets, dirt and dust - the owners were not coming back from work ever again. It bothers me that our nation was so unprepared for this inevitable event. It bothers me that we are now second-guessing the response to the things that happened. It bothers me that our media and the politicians are losing their resolve, trying to wish away the next inevitable attack. But what bothers me the most, or at least most often, is me: wondering what I would have done if I had been there. I think about it all the time. If I was there and not killed on impact what would I have done? How would I have acted? None of us can really know what our reaction would be, so I just wonder, and it bothers me. My friend David Ippolito and I have talked about 9/11 often during the last year. Each time we conclude that there is something we canīt quite explain - something that we canīt let go of - something that keeps a weight on our hearts. David is a songwriter and musician and someday he will put it all down in words and music and share it with the rest of us. I have not told him about my conclusion (that it's wondering what kind of a person I would really have been)is whatīs bothering me. I guess thatīs because it seems too selfish when others have suffered and continue to suffer so much. Would I have been one of those people forced to jump to their death - more terrified of the fire that the fall? My wife says that is what she would have done - how do we really know? Would I have pushed people aside and climbed over them in my rush to save myself? Some people did that, of course - would I have been one of them? or would I have waited with a disabled person for the rescuers? Some did that and survived and others did the same and perished. Which one would I have been? If I knew - like some that waited with others must have known - that waiting meant certain death - would I have done so or just taken off down the stairs? I am sure you read how Jan Demczur, a window washer in the WTC who was trapped in an elevator along with four or five other people. The elevator stopped its plunge to death for some unknown reason - and it was between floors. Jan used his window-washing tool (a squeegee handle) to pry open the door and cut through the drywall into the arms of waiting firemen. He saved his own life and those of the people in the elevator with him. What would I have done? Would I have panicked and cowered in the back of the car until the fire burned through the cables? Or would I have let him climb on my back so his task would be easier? If you have not read the story of Ron Fazio, then you must. Ron was last seen on the 99th Floor holding the door for others - so they could get out. Imagine that, literally holding the door for other people - people who survived. He did not. How would I have reacted? Would I have been like this hero? I sure hope so, but I do not know. Over the months following 9/11 there were countless other stories - heroes of all kinds. I constantly wonder what I would have done. Hey, if I left someone behind - who would know? If I shoved my way past strangers or scrambled over others, no one would know it was me. What would I feel now? Or would I have done the right thing - whatever that was - and died or lived in the end. As I try to understand the unimaginable, I have to figure out how to deal with this in a way that works for me. So here is what Iīm doing. It may seem pretty minor to you, but itīs important and working for me. Along with many hundreds of friends and strangers I was in Central Park on Sunday September, 16th, 2001 where we listened to David sing his songs and sang along together. It was an emotionally charged atmosphere as he choked back the reference to "the cityīs skyline after dark" in the song he had written in 1999 about New York City - our home. The world had exploded at our doorstep. We could see the smoke over the trees from the fires burning at ground zero. Yet there is Central Park we were calm, confident even. While we were in shock, we were comforted by being together - each of us privately wondering, "what would it have been like if I had been there? What was it like for those who were there and who did not make it out?" So this Sunday we will be in Central Park (where we are most Sundayīs as long as weather permits) and I urge any of you in the NYC area to be there as well. You can find us easily at www.ThatGuitarman.com/map/ It will be an emotional time as we think about the World and the people we have lost. It will never be like it was on September 10th, 2001 again. And it will be uplifting as we sing the familiar songs along with David and consider the future for our City, the World, and us. Sitting on "The Hill" in the most beautiful place on Earth - Central Park, New York City, USA. Every week, at least once, I take 5 minutes to look at a web site where pictures and music tell the story of 9/11. I will continue to do that for as long as the web site is there. The pictures remind me what we are responding to. I ask you to do the same. I cry every time I see it, I suppose I always will. Thatīs fine, Iīm allowed to do that - each of us should cry about it. It does not mean we are weak - it means we feel it and it hurts - it strengthens our resolve. In fact every time I hear the music that was used as the sound track I remember that dayīs events all over again. I do not want to ever forget the feeling. We cannot wish away the plans of others. There are many thousands of people with the fanatic resolve to attack our way of life - regardless of the personal cost to them. I did not invent the reminder to each of us (but it is still true)that, the "people (civilizations) who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it."
Wayne Messick can be reached via email or at http://www.fbnews.net. Wayne knows how the emotional climate in a family business impacts the decision-making process and he will transfer this valuable knowledge to your audience. He demonstrates to attendees of trade association events how to map out their company vision, how to incorporate the Internet into their plan, and how to address the challenges of involving (and placating) all family members in the process. They walk away with an outline for a viable plan that will take their business to the next level. << Back to Homepage |