There are three generations of the family are involved in this typical (whatever that means)family owned company. The "old man" is retired and living in FLA and calls in once a day for an update. Dad´s sister owns a large percentage of the company but has never been involved. His "boys" 45, 42 and their cousin 38 run the place – with their dad´s suggestions. The long time bookkeeper and a key veteran manager keep dad in the loop.

The "boys" have seven sisters between them and there are six "kids" involved in the company. These kids, young men and women between 18 and 29 are the offspring of the boys and their sisters. Oh yes, there is one son-in-law, age 40, who is the only person on board with a Masters Degree in Business.

The successful family business affects each of these people (and others too numerous to mention) emotionally, as well as intellectually and financially. Individual objectives, skills, interests, histories, and agendas conspire to complicate matters to the point where nothing is "just business" - it´s always tinted with something personal.

They all live, eat, and breathe the excitement, challenge and frustration of their business in an atmosphere where internal forces often overshadow external ones (the business environment in which they operate) making decisions of all kinds hot beds of controversy.

There are three interlocking issues that occur in combinations with each other that cause successful companies to stagnate and collapse, or become the stepping stones upon which great futures are built. It´s a lot more complicated than it looks!

To successfully help businesses grow; whether it is with their Internet strategy, their management growth,or succession plan, the #1 challenge of the business and those who seek to serve them is to understand the goals and objectives of each group.

At about age 55 (I keep moving this forward as I get older), business owners typically get more conservative in their thinking and willingness to accept risk. This seems to happen about the same time that the next generation wants to recreate and expand the company. I recorded this problem in a recent article entitled, "Not With MY Money You´re Not!"

Since the oldest offspring of the leader of the senior generation is twenty years (or more) younger than dad, there are often key managers who are much closer to dad´s age. They can offer a vital bridge between the generations, or stumbling blocks that can be fatal to the company. Their goals often parallel those of the senior generation.

The successors are betting on the future. And the heirs just want what´s coming to them (in cash please).

Seventy-five percent of the successful businesses do not survive their founder. There are many possible reasons for this, but invariably they have one thing in common. The owners, successors, and heirs have never communicated successfully with each other about their respective expectations. Then, all of a sudden, it´s too late. Every member of each family group involved in the business is affected by this lack of communication.

Add the business issues to the family issues and the plot thickens. External business cycles (the ones Alan Greenspan told us about) affect us all, the economy is up or down and business follows or leads the charge up and down and up and down, again and again.

Our Profiles are demonstrating how businesses from a variety of industries are attacking the external forces by growing their company in a new way – online. They are harnessing the power of the family business to the emerging technologies to grow their company.

Management must become more "professional" as the business grows and becomes more complex. The increasing importance of the Internet to the company´s development may require them to go outside the family for someone to handle this important element of their enterprise.

Can the older employees and the senior generation of owners handle the necessity of these changes? Can the outsiders adapt to the ways of the family business? Will the successors (contemporaries of the outsiders) feel threatened?

These are just a few of the internal business issues that can sabotage a company´s growth if the owners and their advisors do not address them.

Most agree that money is "the straw that stirs the drink" when it comes to family businesses. It is either the tool that makes things work more smoothly or a source of continual aggravation, concern, and jealousy.

Combine the needs of the different elements of the group with their different agendas and interest in the businesses´ future – you have some real opportunities for disagreement.

At the same time the company needs money for growth, the senior generation needs money for their use - such as retirement income. Frequently the resulting conflict affects the business, the employees, the owners, and their families.

There are few things more difficult to talk about than the money. Dad and mom may want to retire, the successors want to launch their web site and open the new facility, the heirs want their money and the employees want to know where their future is – all at the same time.

If you are involved in the family company, you know how the family, the business, and the money continually swirl around us, creating opportunities where there could be problems and problems where we originally saw opportunities.

If you work with these companies, no matter what services you provide, you will serve your customers more effectively if you spend the time to see things the way they see them. In the beginning it is not easy and does not come naturally. We are all experts in our own little world and want to make sure our clients know it.

I had always assumed (like other experts) that it was my job to use my vast knowledge and experience, while listening as closely as possible to the family members, to develop the recommendations that would guide their planning process.

A breakthrough occurred for me in 1993 when I met Dr. Dan Dana at the Academy of Family Mediators Conference in Washington DC. Dan explained to us the concepts behind the Self-as-Mediator and Manager as Mediator process. A light went on when I began to understand a more effective way to work!

Dan made it clear for the first time that the very essence of a success depends on the ability of the individuals involved to communicate with one another – as well as with their advisors and the occasional outsider

He taught us the simple (not often easy) steps toward getting agreement among the members of the family and key employees. Often the first step is the hardest, finding a time to talk about the future. Then setting the ground rules for the discussion by planning the context of the discussion. And being willing to talk it out for how ever long it takes. The final result of the agreement process is making a deal since compromise is always required - by everyone.

Once I adapted the lessons I learned as a Certified Mediator I became much more successful. At first I just felt better about myself since I was not trying to manipulate others into my picture of their solutions – I was helping to facilitate the decisions they were making for themselves.

It has taken almost 10 years to understand the real successes – family companies´ continuing to evolve, adapt, and grow – based on decisions I saw them make a decade ago. Long-term success can only be achieved by recognizing the differences in everyone.

No matter your role in the family company; senior generation, successor, advisor, web site designer, or Internet strategist – I recommend Dr. Dana´s strategies for managing the differences that make everyone unique.

The process continues to teach me how to help family business owners, heirs, successors, managers, and advisors learn to more effectively manage these differences. Creating an atmosphere where planning for the future can take place.